Angry
It keeps coming back, and it is running you.
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The chain, laid out as mechanism rather than as sin: dwelling on something, attachment, then desire, then — meeting an obstacle — anger. It begins with the most ordinary mental act there is.
ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंसः सङ्गस्तेषूपजायते
सङ्गात् संजायते कामः कामात्क्रोधोऽभिजायतेDwelling on things, a person becomes attached to them. From attachment, desire is born. From desire, anger.
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And the rest of it: anger, confusion, memory gone, judgement gone, and you are gone. Each step follows so plainly that the only useful place to intervene is near the start.
क्रोधाद्भवति संमोहः संमोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रमः
स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यतिFrom anger, confusion. From confusion, memory fails. When memory fails, discernment is lost — and when discernment is lost, a person is lost.
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The one who can withstand the surge of desire and anger — the word is vega, a rush or current. It grants that anger arrives with force, and locates the practice at withstanding rather than at not feeling.
शक्नोतीहैव यः सोढुं प्राक्शरीरविमोक्षणात्
कामक्रोधोद्भवं वेगं स युक्तः स सुखी नरःOne who can withstand the surge of desire and anger here, before leaving the body, is joined — and that one is happy.
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Desire, anger and greed named as three gates. Naming a thing as a door is more useful than naming it as a flaw: doors can be noticed on approach.
त्रिविधं नरकस्येदं द्वारं नाशनमात्मनः
कामः क्रोधस्तथा लोभस्तस्मादेतत्त्रयं त्यजेत्Desire, anger and greed — these are the three gates to what destroys the self. Give them up.